Memorial to Jo Anne Keyes Thaxter

Hi, my name is Megan and I am one of my grandma’s 13 grandchildren. Our grandma was an extremely special woman. She had a gift of being able to show her love for us completely and with ease. She loved us for who we were, and we all were very unique. When I tried to think of ways I could verbally express what made her so amazing and why we love her so very much I could think of a million different little things and no way to coherently express them. So instead I thought I would share a couple of stories about her that demonstrate her abundant amount of love, wit, and caring. Growing up grandma was always so specific in showing her love. For special occasions, such as birthdays and holidays, she would always send a card. She never forgot and I don’t ever remember receiving one late, even though I never lived close. But this wasn’t the main thing that showed her love. With each card I received it was completely apparent that she had picked it out specifically for me, and the same goes for my siblings and other cousins. You could tell that she had spent a good amount of time reading cards to decide which one was the perfect fit because she always underlined words she deemed important. Ones I remember seeing repeatedly underlined were “loved” and “special." Which fits because she always made sure that we knew absolutely how special we were to her and how much she loved us. I always looked forward to getting a card from my Grandma Jo and Papa because I knew that it would be something especially for me and I could literally visualize her standing in the store looking over cards and then taking one home and carefully underlining specific words. It’s very hard to imagine that she won’t be able to pick out a card and underline special words just for me anymore. It’s just one of the many things I will miss greatly. For the first 12 years of each of our lives my grandma hand cross-stitched Christmas ornaments for each one of us. These ornaments were always a special treasure. Growing up I looked forward to wondering what one she would be making for me and I loved getting to open up my gift and see the surprise. Now that I’m grown they have even more meaning for me. Each tiny stitch is a remembrance of my grandma’s loving hands, each design a reminder of how she was thinking of us daily. Every year when I get out all of my Christmas ornaments, these are the first ones to go on my tree. Because they are the most special and it’s important to me to have them perfectly spaced out so that each one is always visible and stands out. They stand out just like my grandma did. During family gatherings she was always the focal point. Not because she needed to be the center of attention, but because she always watched us with such fondness and wanted to be engaged with us in some capacity. Sometimes I would just watch her watching my cousins and aunts and uncles and the look of complete love and adoration would always warm me. She radiated love and affection, you couldn’t help but want to be near her. The love she had for my grandpa and she for her was incredible to watch. I’ve tried to tell them many times over how beautifully they loved each other and how grateful I am to have been able to see that love, but it’s just not something you can put into words. I love her so, so much. Grandma loved us unconditionally. It’s one of her many wonderful attributes. Even when we made mistakes in life, her love never wavered. She always looked for the best in people. She never doubted for a second that her grandchildren were perfect in each of their own ways and she expressed that openly. She always made me feel so special and loved. Once when I was playing poker for fun with her and my Papa and siblings, I won a hand. When I showed what I had my Papa shook his head and said, “Oh, Megan. You really shouldn’t ever bet with that hand. Do you know what the percentage would be to win with that?” I of course didn’t and don’t remember what it was to this day. But what I do remember was my grandma saying, “Clinton. You don’t know her strategy. I’m sure she was probably cleverly playing that hand.” And then she leaned aside and quietly whispered in my ear, “But really, honey, that is an absolutely terrible hand.” And then she winked and smiled. I remember loving that she stood up for me and assumed I was terribly clever, but then gave me advice as well. Her ability to always assume good intent is a characteristic that not many people have, but she had it. One of my favorite long term memories of my grandma is her ability to play video games. She was so extremely coordinated and smart. I remember I would brag (and still do brag) to my friends that my grandma is so cool she kicks massive butt at video games. I loved getting to watch her play Zelda and Mario so intently. When I would stay at her house we would wake up early in the morning to get to the video games before her because when grandma said, “Ok I’m here to play,” that meant stop your game no matter where you were, and give the controls over. But we didn’t mind because getting to watch her play was watching a master. Since last June I’ve been lucky enough to have weekly phone calls with my grandma. Sometimes we would talk of nothing in-particular other than that we loved each other, sometimes it was my work, the books she was reading, her kitties, or something completely obscure. I hold those phone conversations deep in my heart. It was a highlight of my week to hear her voice and feel her love for me radiating through the phone lines. One time we weren’t even really talking, and I heard my Papa in the background say “Ok you guys obviously don’t have anything to say to each other, so just say goodbye”. And my grandma said, “Sometimes we don’t have to have anything to say to each other, we just enjoy being connected." And I laughed because it was a “so there” tone in her voice, even though she didn’t say it. But I agreed with her statement. It didn’t matter if you had nothing to say. Sometimes silence and just being able to BE with the person you love is plenty. And with grandma, it was. I love her so much, as do all her grand kids. She was an amazing, wonderful, witty, and above all LOVING grandma. We will miss her hugs, her warmth, her love, we will miss HER more than words could possibly express. Revelation 21:4 "He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever."

Last April 13th, I said goodbye to my mother for what I was afraid would be the last time. It wasn’t. I was blessed to have another 10 months of her presence in my life. And, while I hoped it would be longer, I am very grateful for the conversation and closeness we were able to share during her recovery from septic shock, the setbacks she suffered, and, what was ultimately her final journey on this Earth. My mother was the epitome of unconditional love and generosity. When I was 32 weeks pregnant with my first child, Gabriel, I was put on bed rest. Mom came down the mountain from Shaver at least three days a week to take care of me and the house. When my husband Michael was finishing up his degree at Fresno State in 2003, she offered to watch Gabriel and his little sister Laura full-time. She knew how challenging it would be for a one-income family to pay for childcare. She just took care of us. Actually, she took care of every body and every thing. Even in the last few days of her life, she was a caregiver. One of the last “tasks” she had to cross of her list was a reminder to my father: thirty, thirty, thirty. She’d already bought the birthday cards, and she wanted to make sure each of the under-18 grandchildren got his or her proper gift - $30. That’s the kind of person she was – always thinking of others first. I know lots of sons and daughters say that their mommy is the best, but she really was. It’s not possible to do her justice in 3 minutes, so I’m not even going to try. Instead, I’m going to share something that I wrote on April 30th, after I began to believe that she might make it out of the ICU: Today was the first day that I really felt like I was communicating with the person I know as my mom. She might not remember my visit, but I definitely got the impression that her "essence" was present. When I arrived, dad was at her bedside. When he saw me, he said "JoAnne, it's your baby!" She clearly mouthed "my baby..." Of course I started to cry, and I stood by her bedside for a good 10 minutes telling her how much I loved her, how happy I was that she was "back," and how worried we all were. Then I promised that I would do everything I could to help her get stronger, and that I was sorry I hadn't realized how sick she was. She really is the best mom ever, but when I told her I didn't think I was nearly as good as she was, she mouthed "you are a good mom..." I certainly learned from the best. My mother is the kindest, most tolerant, forgiving, compassionate, empathetic, selfless, and nurturing person I know. I am going to spend the rest of my life doing everything in my power to convey my gratitude. And to strive to earn the honor of being named for her.

I give thanks for my beautiful and loving mother, Jo Anne Keyes Thaxter. I give thanks for the gift of salvation, and the knowledge that she is in the eternal embrace of her lord and savior, Jesus Christ. And I give thanks for all of you who are here because you loved and cared for my mom, or you love and care for those she loved. There are few occasions in life where we have a captive audience assembled with whom we can freely share aspects of our mother that made her so cherished and adored, so thank you for being here and allowing us the honor of sharing. In the New Testament, Paul writes to the Colossians in Chapter 3: Colossians 3:12-14: Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. I chose that passage, because of its reference to the virtues my mom possessed, and most of all the virtue that is love; because there is no greater example of love in my life than my mother and how she lived her life. Others in our family will share with you different aspects of my mother, but I wanted you to know the love and devotion she showed as the wife to our father. On their first date, my father actually asked her where she had been all his life, and family legend has it that she responded “Right here.” And “right here”, with my father, is where she stayed for nearly 60 years. Those who knew my mom knew she was very comfortable on stage, but those who know my dad know his undeniable ability to command an audience. My mother never competed for attention; but rather, she adoringly gave center stage to Daddy. She also had the gift of being his perfect audience herself, always listening with great attention and interest to anything and everything he had to say…no matter how long the spirit moved him to speak. In a present day where many children have been raised to believe, perhaps, the world revolves around them, my mom always felt the greatest gift she could give her own children was the security of a strong and enduring marriage of their parents. She raised five children with love and care that my sister Joey will affirm for you today, but it was always clear that our father came first. That devotion was traditional...it was beautiful... and it was rare. I miss my mom more than I can comfortably express, but as I know you can all well imagine. But I give thanks for the great blessing of the 50 years I had with her as my mother, and for the blessing she was to my father for even longer. For better, for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health, she was there beside him in love – binding all her virtues together in perfect unity.

I'm Vickie I had the privilege of having Jo Anne as my mother-in-law. There are many jokes about mother-in-laws, but with Jo Anne, I hit the jackpot. My own mom died when I was 17, and I stumbled along for 9 years on my own. When Alan and I got married I had absolutely no idea how to be a wife, let alone a mother to two small children. I turned to Jo Anne and she stepped up without question. She taught me the simplest of things: how to set a table. I wanted to know why we had to use ALL the silver ware, and she said "in case the president might stop by. She taught me how to cook fresh vegetables, as I had only been used to canned. She tried to teach me to LIKE fresh vegetables...well, she couldn't do everything. Jo Anne and I shared a love for crafts. One Christmas I decided I wanted to make quilts for each of my three children, AND I wanted to hand stitch them. The fact that I had never quilted didn't seem like a problem. I can't count the number of times I called her in tears, just sure I had ruined the whole thing. She would calm me down and nine times out of ten she would show up at my door, rip out my problem and save me from my mistake, and then tell me she was proud of me. That was a big deal to me. She had an exceptional talent at cross stitch. Rarely did we see her without a project on her lap, or a thread hanging from her pants. The beautiful Christmas stocking and ornaments she made for each of her grandchildren will be sweet memories, cherished forever. One of the most valuable things Jo Anne taught me was how love and care for my children. She taught me what it was like to have a loving mother in my life. She taught me the beauty of living out a love affair with my husband. And she taught by example, with the greatest of ease, as these were her gifts: to love completely and to give with all that she was. I will forever be grateful for the gifts that Jo Anne shared with me. I loved her very much. I will miss her.